Often, the kids ask me if I believe in Santa Claus. I give them the excellent answer that I
learned from the principal of the first school that I taught at: “Well, if you don’t believe, you’re not gonna get
presents. So, I figure, I’ll believe.” No one can argue with that.
Recently, I have discovered, that delusions, are delusions- and this is like not believing in Santa Claus. See, when I first learned about delusions, I started to see that I had them often. I noticed how frequently I made them up, how pleasant they were, how elaborate I could get with them, and how close they were to reality. I discovered that I spend a lot of time in delusions. They’re fun, they’re interesting, I get to control everything, and they always work out great- and if they don’t, I just make up new ones.
Then I started trying not to get caught up in them- to notice when I got lost in them and to bring myself out of them again. This was frustrating at first, but over time I started to notice just how fuzzy I got when I was lost in delusions and how clear I felt when I was present to what was in front of me.
But then one day, I realized, that delusions are actually delusions- they are not reality. See, I was having a bummer day and I went off into a delusion and it occurred to me that it really was just a delusion. It was all in my head, it was all just thoughts, it did actually nothing to change whatever unpleasant situation I was in and trying to avoid.
“This sucks!” I thought. “I didn’t get in to this to figure out that I can’t avoid things! I didn’t get in to this to realize that my thoughts aren’t reality! This totally sucks! This practice only brought me to the reality of this situation that I don’t like!”
And the worst thing was, I couldn’t even do anything about it. I actually knew that any delusion I would dream up to avoid this reality was just that: a delusion. It had no use to me anymore- it wasn’t effective at all, it was just stupid thoughts that I made up and it had absolutely no effect on the reality that I was experiencing.
I felt cheated, and angry, and also I laughed at myself. But mostly I was pissed because this lovely tool that I had for avoiding reality was robbed from me, by me being so darn earnest in my practice.
Of course, I still go off into delusions. I suppose you could call it my dharma gate; but I like to refer to it as one of my greater qualities ‘cause I really am good at making up delusions that are only a hair’s breadth from reality.
Apparently, I still want to believe in Santa Claus. Who wouldn't? Who wouldn't want a room full of presents with only you and your imagination to decide what's inside them...
Recently, I have discovered, that delusions, are delusions- and this is like not believing in Santa Claus. See, when I first learned about delusions, I started to see that I had them often. I noticed how frequently I made them up, how pleasant they were, how elaborate I could get with them, and how close they were to reality. I discovered that I spend a lot of time in delusions. They’re fun, they’re interesting, I get to control everything, and they always work out great- and if they don’t, I just make up new ones.
Then I started trying not to get caught up in them- to notice when I got lost in them and to bring myself out of them again. This was frustrating at first, but over time I started to notice just how fuzzy I got when I was lost in delusions and how clear I felt when I was present to what was in front of me.
But then one day, I realized, that delusions are actually delusions- they are not reality. See, I was having a bummer day and I went off into a delusion and it occurred to me that it really was just a delusion. It was all in my head, it was all just thoughts, it did actually nothing to change whatever unpleasant situation I was in and trying to avoid.
“This sucks!” I thought. “I didn’t get in to this to figure out that I can’t avoid things! I didn’t get in to this to realize that my thoughts aren’t reality! This totally sucks! This practice only brought me to the reality of this situation that I don’t like!”
And the worst thing was, I couldn’t even do anything about it. I actually knew that any delusion I would dream up to avoid this reality was just that: a delusion. It had no use to me anymore- it wasn’t effective at all, it was just stupid thoughts that I made up and it had absolutely no effect on the reality that I was experiencing.
I felt cheated, and angry, and also I laughed at myself. But mostly I was pissed because this lovely tool that I had for avoiding reality was robbed from me, by me being so darn earnest in my practice.
Of course, I still go off into delusions. I suppose you could call it my dharma gate; but I like to refer to it as one of my greater qualities ‘cause I really am good at making up delusions that are only a hair’s breadth from reality.
Apparently, I still want to believe in Santa Claus. Who wouldn't? Who wouldn't want a room full of presents with only you and your imagination to decide what's inside them...
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