Like I said, one of the main reasons I wanted to write about my practice at the zen center was so that other people who were struggling with it might relate to my experience and be willing to keep at it. Throughout my attempt to meditate, there have been times where advice, or a description of someone else's experience with meditation has clarified the practice for me, or given me something new to try. None of these were a defining moment for me but all of them helped. In the hope that one of these will be helpful, I've listed them below. (and if anyone is reading this and wants to add things that helped them...)
Sitting:
It doesn't matter which way you choose to sit. The point is, you're trying to sit still for 30 minutes. You want your body to be in a position that allows it to be still and supports you to breathe. The full lotus, half lotus, Burmese, seiza positions, etc. are just positions that, traditionally, support the body to do this. Do what feels good for you and yes, this totally includes a chair or lying down.
Do your best to sit still the entire time, but if you find that you are in such pain that you can no longer meditate, stop. Change positions or move your body so that you can find another position that allows you to continue.
It's not a competitive sport- no one cares how long you can do it (and what might look like “good” sitting from the outside might just be a calm body who's totally planning what they're going to eat for dinner tonight).
Meditating:
Your brain creates thoughts. Your lungs breathe air. It's not about stopping your thoughts, it's about noticing them. Just like you notice when your breath quickens, you can notice what your thoughts are doing. And just like you can pay attention to and calm your breath, you can pay attention to and calm (well, maybe let go or not run away with) your thoughts.
Your mind is like a mountain, your thoughts are clouds- let them float by.
Greet your thoughts, then show them the door.
For some people it helps to 'block out' the thoughts- to hold an empty place in their mind and not let anything come in. For others it helps to imagine an open place through which everything flows. Both are valid and may even change as you experience meditation in different ways.
When you start to get carried away by your thoughts, find your breath. Actually feel it in your body, wait for your breath to arise naturally and then let it "breathe you" instead of you “taking” a breath.
Put your mudra so that your thumbs are lightly resting on your navel. Breathe in. Feel the rise/ expansion of your stomach against your hands. As you breathe out, imagine your breath flowing down to your mudra.
Tell yourself: “This is all: all I have to do for the next 30 minutes is breathe. All the things that are in my head that seem so important will not change in the next 30 minutes. My only responsibility is to breathe.”
Your mind is like a two year old, wanting to run around. You can chase after it or you can acknowledge its need to run and watch it go.
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