During the summer intensive, Paul gave a talk about responding instead of reacting to things. He talked about how often, in hindsight, we are able to see the situation for what it is and , because of this, respond to it in a way that is beneficial. He went on to say that this practice is about flipping things around so that our first inclination is that open response- that by being open and present to the moment when it happens, we have that clarity in the moment, instead of in hindsight.
This morning, after my nightmare one day sit, I'm starting to feel being present in the moment as my natural inclination, and my thoughts are becoming rude interruptions to it. Normally, my inclination is to "get things done" to "make the most of my time" to grasp at time and accomplishment and I have to make a concerted effort to take a breath, to be present, to "let go." But this morning, being present is my default and I find myself genuinely noticing (and kind of laughing at) the thoughts that are telling me to stop.
My friend and I were supposed to meet for breakfast at 8. She called at 7:30 because the smoke alarm was going off in her new home and she needed to stay there to figure out how to keep it from going off again. My first thought was "Oh, look at that, an extra hour in my day, how should I fill it?" I considered eating at home because it would maximize my extra hour but then I just felt like I wanted to eat out for breakfast so I started walking until I found a place to eat. As soon as I ordered, I saw an Irish newspaper and started reading it. As I was reading it, thoughts jumped into my head "You can read this at home. You should take the food to go. What do you need to get done today? You should have eaten in Cole Valley so that you could run errands at the same time." And I thought, "Meh, that's nice. I'm going back to reading this newspaper." The thoughts kept coming and it wasn't even like I was saying "Those are thoughts, take a breath" I just felt really settled in reading the newspaper, in walking home, in writing this blogpost, and so I did.
It's not like this is an emotionally charged situation or even a situation that I'm responding to or reacting to; but I find it interesting how my effort seems to have switched from trying to be present to just being present. I'm not even "blocking out" my thoughts, I'm just saying "Huh, look at you. You're kind of funny and frenetic and really determined. Huh- good luck with that." and then I just go to back to whatever I was doing before I was so rudely interrupted by them.
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