Blog apologies

This one is tricky.

During sesshin I noticed lots of things about myself. One of those things was how I have been writing about “the zen center” on this blog.  I have been writing about “the zen center” as if it were an object, as if it were an institution, as if it were this thing.

But the thing is, “the zen center” isn’t a thing, it’s people. And on top of that, it’s the people I’ve been sitting with each morning. It’s the people who give me soji on Saturdays. It’s the people who bow while I chant. The people who teach me, who laugh with me, who let me have bad days, who silently exist with me while somehow making me feel not so alone.

And I know that those very same people have compassion for me. And I’m pretty sure that in watching me write about all my misgivings about the “zen center” they have understood that it wasn’t intended toward them.

But at the same time, I see that I’ve been pretty careless in writing this blog. At times, I’ve written about zen practice in a somewhat dismissive way. I don’t want to acknowledge this but it’s true: I’ve scoffed at the zen center, I’ve laughed at advice from the abbot, I’ve talked about this practice as if it were a ‘foreign object.’ I haven’t treated this practice with the care and concern that it has given me. And, because this ‘practice’ is people... I see now that, by writing this way, I’m doing the same thing to them, to you.

I know that no one is mad at me and I don’t think that anyone thinks that I meant offense. But still, I wrote without thinking about the people I was writing about.  And I want to apologize for that.

With bows…