No.
It won't.
Sorry about that.
But here's what I have found has happened for me in the last 2 or so years that I've been "practicing" zen at the zen center. I have found that I'm not so interested in "fixing" my life anymore. Not because my life isn't bad or that there aren't things that need to be changed, its just that is isn't about that.
See, it feels like your life is what needs to be fixed, like if you could just do this or be like that, that your life would be all perfect and happy. But the thing is, it's not your life that's bumming you out, it's your evaluation of it that's causing you suffering.
It's hard not to evaluate your life, it's hard not to have some idea of who you want to be or how you want to live your life. But once you stop evaluating your life, once you start accepting that all of your life is living your life, that the acceptance of your life, just-as-it-is, is what allows you to live it in a way that kind of fulfills you and then helps you to be generous and open with others, then, well, I don't know what will happen.
I just know that I don't really think about good or bad anymore when I think about my life. I don't think so much about right or wrong. I think about whether or not I am experiencing the life right in front of me at that moment, or if I am adding stuff on to it or trying to control it. I think about whether or not I am seeing the people in front of me for what they are offering, not what I think they are doing or how I think they should be. And I notice this- I ntoice when I do it and when I don't and how I can try to do it more often.
I still get mad at myelf, I still get frustrated, I still cringe at the thought of things I've done that day. But that day is over and I'm here now and all I can do is try to live my life as the next moment presents itself to me... just live it, that's all.
"it's not your life that's bumming you out, it's your evaluation of it that's causing you suffering." yay! but i've always wondered if this view is overly passive? for example maybe sometimes life is bumming you out (not getting enough sleep) so you need to do something about it, not just be okay with it. as you practice do you relate more kindly to things as they are, and also take mindful action? we should discuss which evaluations make us suffer most, that would be juicy!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for this Sierra. It made me go back and read the post again. I think you're right, it's not helpful for us to just accept everything as being our lives. And yes, I definitely find that as I practice more, I am more kind with myself because I am learning to accept rather than judge. Maybe that's what I should have said instead: it's the "judgment" of your life that's bumming you out. Because for me, it's the judgment piece that I've begun to let go of through this practice. I like the term mindful action, it feels like acting with awareness instead of acting to "correct" something. Thank you.
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