I refused to go to Tassajara but was fine traveling to Japan to sit at Ei Hei Ji. From the looks of this poem, this was what it took for me to finally accept my practice... who knew? (oh be quiet Daigan!)
I am falling in love with you
from 5000 miles away
and it worries me.
How can I fall in love with you
when you are not here
and why wasn't I loving you
when I was there
when I was with you
I was not falling
I was separate
guarded
cautious of you
But here I am
drawn
smiling
feeling affection for
and assured by
the very same things
I was wary of
and often annoyed by
But this image
of you
that keeps popping into my head
though you are 5000 miles away
is that same you
it isn't a made up version
it isn't what I want you to be
it's the real you
so why am I suddenly
charmed
and drawn to it
to you
What is this helplessness
that I am feeling
this resignation
yet peace
that this is how it is
that this is who I am
that this
for no reason that I can understand
is part of me
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