Feeling lonely, but only wanting imaginary friends

I was noticing something. I was noticing how much I enjoyed people's company, how much I liked being around others in general, and how much I enjoyed actually spending time with my friends. I was also noticing how easy it seemed to be present to them, to just listen, to just be engaged in what they were saying without wanting anything from them or worrying about our relationship and my responsibility or role in it.
I noticed too that as soon as I left the company of my friends, as soon as I was alone, my head filled with thoughts. And then I noticed that these thoughts were were actually imaginary conversations with people.
"Oh," I thought. "I must be lonely. As soon as I'm alone, my mind makes up these thoughts to keep me company. That's kind of sweet to notice that I really want the company of others, that I really do love to be with others."

But then I paid a little bit closer attention to these imaginary conversations. Guess what I noticed? In these imaginary conversations that my mind was making up, I was awesome. I had all kinds of insights and my friends were totally impressed by me. I was really helpful and supportive.
And guess who my imaginary conversations were with? They were only with the people who I totally get along with. Or, they were complete fabrications of suddenly harmonious relationships with people who I sometimes struggle with.

"Darnit!" I thought. "It's not so much that my mind is making up imaginary conversations to keep me company. I think my mind is making up pleasant company becuase I like pleasant company. I'm afraid of uncomfortable conversations between friends. I'm afraid of unknown relationships. I'm afraid of intimacy and border crossing and power imbalances and lack of control. I think my mind is filling my head with pleasant imaginary friends as kind of an elixir- a nice little pick me up to sooth me when I'm feeling alone. Darnit!"

And that's all. That's what I noticed: that I'm lonely, that it's something I need to practice with, to accept and see, and that the imaginary friends inside my head are like a security blanket for me.