About three hours after dokusan, I was walking down the street, thinking about dokusan, reliving the conversation we had had in my head, saying the things I wish I had said, noticing myself in dokusan and then I said to myself:
"What is it with you and dokusan? What is it that you have dokusan, and then it lingers, and just stays around and keeps hitting you long after dokusan is over? What is it that it keeps coming up and you keep thinking about it....
"Oh," it occurred to me, "You are thinking about it. Like, that's what you're doing right now. You are keeping it around. That is what is up with you and dokusan. You keep letting it come up. You keep thinking about it. You're the one who's letting it linger, you're letting it stay."
"Darnit," I said and took a breath.
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