Day 6: Meditating at home

Last night, the Ino was kind enough to announce that there would be an extended period of zazen in the zendo the following morning so people who needed to leave at the normal time should sit in the gaitan. So this morning, I meditated at home. This is the first time I have ever been able to do this. I’ve tried to do this on many a rainy, cold, or just plain crappy morning but all I’ve done is “meditated” in bed (lay there trying not to think) or “meditated” in the guest room (sat in a chair and stared at a wall trying not to think).

Here’s what I did instead: I woke up, sat up, turned my body to the left, put my feet down on the floor, straightened my back and neck, and started breathing. That’s it. That’s all I did until my cell phone started making those weird alarm noises half an hour later.

Now, I definitely had thoughts.  I also ran away with them a few times, and then focused on my breath again. Then I asked myself those same five questions, restraightened my back and neck, etc. but mostly, I just sat there, staring at the wall, and breathing.  I didn’t have a cushion, didn’t have a cool chime, and I didn’t bow to anyone or anything.

So, how come I was able to do it this time, but not the others?  This is what I think. I think that I decided to meditate last night. I didn’t meditate at home because it was raining and I didn’t want to ride my bike to the zendo. I didn’t meditate at home because I wanted extra sleep. I didn’t “attempt” to meditate, I just meditated, and then I stopped. I don’t know how else to say it. I can’t figure out any other reason that it worked except that I chose to do it and then did it without thinking about it.

I don’t know if that helps anyone who’s trying to meditate at home. I’m sure that other people’s lives (or even bedrooms) aren’t as simple as mine was this morning. It’s just, well, I’ve tried all kinds of things to be able to meditate at home: finding the right cushion, finding a pretty chime, setting up a quiet place, but none of them worked. I always ended up feeling frustrated by how little I ended up meditating. But this morning, I literally woke up and sat on the edge of my bed and breathed. If there’s any chance that it’s that simple, I wanted to share it.