As I mentioned in the last post, the Ino wouldn't tell me anything about the bowing and chanting involved in the Full Moon Ceremony so I went into it completely innocent. It turns out that this was a great gift.
Since I couldn't get it right (he wouldn't tell me what to do), I didn't try to get it right. I definitely watched everyone around me, and made sure I was behind people who knew what they were doing but it was just to do it, not to do it "right." I mostly just followed and let the people around me do what they were doing.
I know I made mistakes. I almost missed the first bow because I had to close my eyes to keep from laughing at the crazy toy piano that was playing below the window of the Buddha hall. (That piano made me laugh throughout the entire ceremony). But mostly, I just watched, and listened. And this time, it wasn't even to learn about how the Full Moon Ceremony worked, it was just watching and listening. I saw some beautiful interactions between residents, learned how to bow without putting my hands on the tatami by watching the person next to me, and heard the sweet sound of sincere effort in the calling of the chants. I don't really want to get into all the details of the event because then I'll ruin it for you. The reason I liked it so much was because I had no attachment to it, I just showed up. And I don't even know that I totally liked it, I just know that I wasn't embarrassed or mad at myself or thinking that anyone thought, "Oh there's that plain clothed girl again. Is she ever going to get the forms right?"
There was definitely a point at which I stepped back from the situation and looked at what I was doing: It is a Wednesday night and you are in a Buddhist Temple. You are bowing, like, big time bowing, like head on the floor, like "oh-I-submit-to-you" bowing. You are chanting things that you don't totally understand. And you are doing both of these things when some bell rings or some gong gets hit, not because you understand it or because it makes sense to you or even because you're choosing to do it. You're just doing it.
Honestly, if anyone saw you they would say, "Wait, what are you doing?"
And I would answer, "I don't know."
I think there was a person who came to the Full Moon ceremony as her first time at zen center. How wonderful THAT must have been! :)
ReplyDeleteThat's just wonderful.
ReplyDeleteMy first full moon ceremony was a total surprise -- I had just come for morning zazen and service and found out at the time that it was the full moon ceremony. Joan was the kokyo. I had been to plenty of regular services, and had never heard the musicality of the full moon chants. So when it started my sense was "whoa, what the heck is *that*?" and a totally delicious feeling of really not know *what* was going to happen next.
So glad to hear of your taste of not knowing . . . cheers.