As I've been trying to practice what Paul suggested in dokusan- feel your experience instead of trying to understand it or analyze why it happens- I've been more and more connected to my breath and my body. Instead of thinking "I'm nervous" or "I'm sad," I'm thinking "My breath is faster, my shoulders are tense, my jaw is clenched" or "My lip is jutting out, my cheeks are hanging, my jaw is slack, my eyelids are heavy."
But an interesting thing is happening in addition to this. As I feel more connected to my body, I'm feeling more connected to things. Well, not things, but beings, creatures, the world we live in.
I had always heard of this whole "interconnectedness" thing, that we are not separate beings, that we are all part of one universe, etc. And I had understood that in other ways: we are all human, we are all alive, we are all dependent upon each other, we are all connected. But yesterday morning in the zendo, as the branches and leaves brushed against the window in front of me, they felt like equals. They felt like sentient beings. It was weird, it's not like they became human or I became a leaf, it just felt like we were the same.
I'm assuming this is happening because I am spending less time in the world of my thoughts and so I'm becoming more aware of how much I am just a creature, a physical being. But still, it's kind of nice. I guess I kind of hope that it carries over into my connectedness with all human beings too. I hope that someday I won't see myself as separate from the people who bug me and then I'll make decisions that benefit all of us.
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