Taking refuge in the dharma- NOT chocolate

You know when you're feeling tired, or sick, and it's your day to go to the gym and you think to yourself', "I shouldn't go to the gym. I'm not feeling well. I should take the day off, 'treat' myself, not 'make myself' go to the gym."
But then, for some reason, you go to the gym anyway, and you end up feeling better because you went to the gym than if you had stayed home and 'treated' yourself? It doesn't always happen this way, but you know those days when it does?  It's like proof of what you knew already- the gym actually is good for you. But because things that are "good" for us often feel like something we are supposed to do, we feel like not doing them is a treat, a getting away with something, a lavishing on ourselves, a letting go of following all those rules. But in the end, not doing what we know is actually good for us, often ends up being kind of being "bad" for us.

I think this is what is meant by "Taking refuge in the dharma."

I think, that when we are bummed out, or sad, or lonely, what we want to do, is take refuge in chocolate (or T.V., or a beer, or escape or... greed, hate, and delusion). By 'taking refuge' I mean that we want to avoid our situation or make things better by doing that other thing. If I'm sad and want to avoid the reality of my day, I go to the store and get a HoHo. I only got HoHos when I was at my Grandma's house in the summer time, laying around in my swim suit, watching T.V., surrounded by cousins and a Grandma who doted on me. I don't think that I consciously associate a HoHo with that feeling that I had during those summers but I do know that I reach for a HoHo when I am sad and that the thoughts in my head when I eat one are 'you are loved' and 'you are special.' It's a nice place to be and I think I go there to make myself feel better. I think I actually find some comfort in it, some escape from who I was that day- it's like a little shelter, an oasis, a refuge.
But afterward , as soon as that HoHo is eaten, my day is still there. I was still who I was. And I am still who I am: someone who just ate a HoHo. And HoHos aren't all that good. They might be good on your tongue, but they're mostly oil and fat and they're kind of plasticky and I think it's kind of sad that I eat them because I know they aren't good for me. It was the doting and being surrounded by cousins and feeling loved that was good for me, not the HoHo.
And I think that the dharma is good for you. I think that what I need, when I've had a bad day, is to let go of it, to know that it's over, to maybe notice who I was in it, notice how I responded, and maybe even be kind to myself around it.
It isn't easy to do this- it's not my first inclination, it isn't what I associate with "treating" myself or being "good" to myself. Honestly, it feels like pushing myself or doing extra work. But I think, in the end, that that is what is going to actually help me. I think that in the long run, taking refgue in the dharma (and honestly, I don't really know what I mean when I use this term. I don't think it's anything specific other than doing what you know is appropriate for that situation, no matter how difficult that may be) not in avoidance or distraction or all those other things that seem pleasant but that really, you totally know aren't going to help you, is kind of what will make things better in the long run.
It's kind of like an admonition. It's kind of like: I know, I know, things are a bummer and you totally want do those things that used to make you feel good. But stop, accept that it's a bummer, and look to what you've been learning about yourself to determine what to do next- what do you know about how you feel, about what's coming up for you around this. Take your refuge there- in kindness to yourself- not in chocolate.