I get this question a lot when I talk about how I practice zen. I’m going to talk about it now but if you really want to learn about it, go to this dharma talk by David Zimmerman (skip ahead to six minutes in to it, there's something funny with the audio up to that point). I promise, you won’t be disappointed. If you want my take on it, read on…
This weekend, Steve Stuckey (one of the people who fought the fire at Tassajara) gave the dharma talk. I missed much of the Q and A afterward but at the tail end of it, someone asked about planning for the future, making up stories or scenarios to make ourselves feel better or feel in control, and asked Steve to expand on this phenomenon. His answer: Cloudy, with a grain of salt. (okay, that’s actually me paraphrasing but it’s the way I understood what he said).
What he actually said was that you make plans all the time. You look out the window and see clouds and you bring an umbrella. What you don’t do is think that it is definitely going to rain or get disappointed because it doesn’t rain, or even think that you can keep it from raining by bringing an umbrella (again, I’m paraphrasing). What you do do is be aware of what is going on and respond to what comes your way as it comes your way. Meditation is what helps to develop your mind in such a way that it actually can respond to things as they come up. Practicing the ability to actually see things as they are (instead of through our personal stories, fears, etc) and developing the flexibility of mind to then respond rather than react to life is what zazen (meditation) is all about.
The way that I understand it, plans are fine as long as you see them for what they are: plans, preparations, training, whatever it is that you do to allow you to cope with what life throws your way. Plans only become a problem when they become expectations, delusions, or avoidance tactics. Here’s how it’s been happening for me:
Plans as expectations:
Tuesdays suck. Tuesdays suck because Mondays are awesome in my classroom. I don’t really know why Mondays are awesome in my classroom but what happens is that after Monday goes so well, I start to imagine Tuesday. I make all these plans about how the kids are totally going to be engaged and Boy 1 and Girl 1 are going to feel all loved and when it’s recess they’ll say “Wait, it’s recess, already?” And then Tuesday happens and, of course, it’s nowhere near my expectations for it so it sucks. But this is what I’ve figured out by looking at Tuesday. It’s actually the same as Monday but because I expected it to be great, it ends up being bad. If I would just show up for Tuesday without expectations of it being great and just see it for what it is, Tuesday would be just fine. It doesn’t mean I shouldn’t plan for Tuesday, it just means that I shouldn’t think Tuesday is going to be a certain way. And maybe that’s why Monday is always so great in my classroom, I never expect anything of Monday. I totally plan for Monday but I don’t want it to be one way or another.
Plans as delusions:
I’ve been doing this one all weekend. The kids are taking their first tests this week. I’ve been deluding myself about how they will score on their tests: planning lessons that focus on the areas they’ve been struggling with the belief that this pinpointing will suddenly change their brains so that they master the exact same skills they didn’t understand last week. This is a delusion. I have no idea how they’ll do on their tests. I have no idea how they’ll respond to my lessons. They totally bombed the predicate on their homework even though I focused my lessons on finding the predicate instead of on finding the subject. I can’t control how they’ll do on their tests. What I can do is plan lessons that I think will help them but I have to do this with the understanding that that’s all I’m doing, planning lessons that I think will help them.
Plans as avoidance tactics:
I signed up for my first one day sit. I am not looking forward to the formal parts of the day (the chanting and the bowing). I experience suffering when we chant and bow: I’m embarrassed because I never do the right bow at the right time, I dislike the feeling of separation when I don’t know things that others do, and I am scared that I won’t know which chant to do and someone will have to help me and then I will be a ‘burden’ and will be rejected. I have been actively attempting to avoid this suffering by “planning” for my one day sit: I’ve asked my friends all about the formal parts of the service, I’m going to “practice” the service this upcoming Saturday, and I’ve been attempting to make peace with the chanting thing when I go to afternoon zazen.
This “planning” is totally fine and actually quite useful in terms of learning the practices at the zen center. However, “planning” is not going to keep me from experiencing embarrassment, separation, and rejection (those things come from my own issues so if I really want to avoid them, I need to explore my issues with them). We can’t control the future by practicing for it. We don’t actually know what the future is going to be, so practicing for it is kind of silly. But we often do this, imagine that we can stop those things that cause us suffering by doing things one way or another. It doesn't mean we can't plan and we can't practice, it just means that these plans and practice aren't going to protect us from experiencing suffering.
So, go ahead, look out the window, see the clouds, but take your weather forecast with a grain of salt. It is San Francisco after all…
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