A cellphone. Really! A cellphone going off in the zendo in first five minutes of the first sitting of the practice period!
Feeling proud of myself for not putting away the chant book early because I thought I knew the order of the chants during service. Being humbled when I had to pick it back up again for the last chant (that I had apparently forgotten about).
Sweeping the steps for soji. I always saw this as a "you're lame" job. I thought it was the job that the work leader gave when she had too many people and not enough work to do. "Go sweep. You'll be out of my hair and I won't have to deal with you." I also thought it was given to people who were trying too hard to get things right, a way to show them that really, all we want you to do is sweep. I don't know if that's why I got it but I ended up loving it. I was totally present for it. I saw things about the steps that I had never noticed- they're kind of red and a little chipped. I was humbled by them too. They're way older than I am and they've given support to so many people. Can you imagine the feet they've seen? Finally, it ended up being a great lesson in being in the moment. As I was sweeping, two things occurred to me: 1) As soon as I sweep a step, it's going to be dirtied by the feet of the people walking up and down it 2) I have to sweep while people are walking on the steps. The second one ended up being a really nice dance. I'd sweep, and then I'd see feet, so I'd stop. Then I'd start again, then I'd stop. This should have been frustrating, but it wasn't. It was just a dance, a lesson in coexisting, a lesson in doing what you can in that moment. Also, it was kind of fun to see everyone's shoes and recognize people by them.
OMG the clementine! After oryoki, I was overloaded, exhausted, and done. During the break, there was tea and fruit and I grabbed a clementine and Oh My Goodness... it was amazing! The sensation of that clementine... it was so nice to have a physical extreme, to taste sweetness, to taste wet, to have physical sensory input after all that mental stuff I was dealing with. If I could have, I would have done a hundred thousand million kalpa prostrations to it!
The almost disaster during lunchtime oryoki. This is what I heard during lunch time oryoki: a clank of metal and a collective gasp by anyone who was near the source of the metal clank sound. But I didn't hear anything else. I expected to hear a continued clank as whatever the server was holding rolled across the floor and spilled its contents. I also expected to hear many whispers and a subsequent clean up. But none of that happened. Apparently said server caught themselves before anything spilled. Nicely done server!
Service in the zendo at the end of the day. First of all, it was kind of sweet to hear Vikki invite people to stand on the zabutons and point out that they made a nice cushion for our bowing. Second of all, there were 100 of us, I think, chanting the Dai Hi Shin Darani. Normally, I don't like chanting but this was different:100 people, all squooshed in together, all timed together, saying these syllables that I don't think actually translate to anything. I can't describe the beauty of it other than to say that it's actually a totally monotone chant but this night, it was in complete harmony. And finally, Paul. He must have been at dokusan because he got to the zendo after we had already started. And what did he do? He just squooshed in next to the rest of us, not bothering to get over to some abbott's seat or some place of honor (probably freaking out the practitioner he was standing next to- I know I would have freaked out to find myself bowing next to the abbot!), bowed and chanted with the rest of us, eloquently demonstrating why I like this place so much: here we are all equal.
Also, sweet potato gratin for dinner. So incredibly yummy that mix of sweet potato and salty onions/ shallots and cheese. Thank you kitchen crew and meal planner!
Oh, and being able to talk, finally, after the meal chant, with friends. Telling them that I freaked out. Seeing the looks on their faces and understanding that I wasn't making them sad by sharing my freakout, that their look of sadness was actually compassion, that they cared about me without trying to fix my freakout or feel sorry for me. Big sigh, stillness, beginning of understanding about this.
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