One Day Sit: NOT a mini sesshin

Maybe it’s ‘cause I had a cold. Maybe it’s ‘cause I’m not willing to sit with the stuff that’s coming up about my mom. Most likely, it’s because I had expectations coming in to the One-Day sit, I thought it would be like a seventh of a sesshin: I would show up, sit down, and have hours upon hours of realizations about myself, that I would sit with them, that they would release and I would leave feeling all light and exhausted at the same time. 

Nope, didn’t happen. Not a lot happened, actually. Mostly, I sat, and thought, and not in good way: I relived real conversations with people, analyzed them, and then made up future imaginary conversations with them in which everything was settled. I made up some good fantasies, fixed all the problems I’ve been having in my classroom, and had one realization about my mom. All in all: mmmm, I’d say not-so-great, but I know better than to judge my one day sit. It was mine, I made it what it was, and so that’s all it was.

There were some highlights, they just had nothing to do with meditation:

Bowing, in perfect timing, like exact timing, with another person during the Full Moon Ceremony. It was crazy sweet, and actually kind of scared me in its level of intimacy.

Freaking out while chanting the precepts during the Full Moon Ceremony; but then reminding myself that this chanting, the thing that feels so mindless to me, is the very same thing that clears away those thoughts that lead me to prejudge others and separate myself from them.

Dharma talk: Totally fitting after the Full Moon Ceremony. Rosalie talked about the six paramitas in such practical and sweet terms. It made me want to study more, reminded me how much of this practice is about others, about how I can bring peace and ease to others by my response, not by trying to change them (and seeing how much suffering I do bring when I try to change them or see them through my own fears and stories).

Being a server at lunchtime oryoki- it was definitely the highlight- so much so that I’m going to write a separate post about it.

Falling asleep on the roof and then mysteriously waking up at exactly 3:15, right when the han started for afternoon zazen. And guess what, you can hear the han on the roof- there’s no escaping the schedule….

Sitting with a stranger at dinner, starting to judge, stepping back, listening instead. Starting to evaluate myself in the interaction, trying to figure out the “right” way to be, reminding myself there’s no “right way” to be with others, then doing what I felt instead.

Connecting with others- in the entry way, on the corner- knowing people, being part of a community that knows each other, that cares about each other.