zen travel fears and expectations

I had been going back and forth between my zen- traveler self (it’s all fine, it’ll work itself out) and my normal travel self (must prepare, must have everything organized and ready) as I prepared for my five week trip to Asia. My normal travel self was extremely frustrated with Orbitz for its electronic ticket policy. It sent me a mixed message of sympathy: we know that you need a document to pass through security and reality: so we have given you a record locator. I can’t tell you how many times I clicked on that ‘record locator’ link fully expecting it to give me a link to a download to a printout of a boarding pass. No such luck- all it would ever do was to link me to a reminder that this was an electronic ticket. Finally I decided that I was too early, that the link would only appear once I was within the 24 hour window of departure. But the morning of my flight, the link remained the same. Despite all my friends’ assurances that this is how it worked, you just gave the record locator number to the guy at the counter, my normal travel-self won out on this one. In desperation, I printed the page of the screen that had the link on it, attempting to find security in a piece of paper.

Meanwhile, I was struggling with planning. My flight did not leave until 1 AM on Monday. This meant that I didn’t need to be at the airport until 10 PM on Sunday night. So, ostensibly, I had a gloriously full Sunday to pack and get everything ready for my trip. But then the planner in me set in: it’s Sunday, so you won’t be able to go certain places that aren’t open on weekends, you won’t have your car because you’re leaving it at your dad’s house so everything will take longer that day, you should pack your bag now so that if it’s too small you can get another one before the trip. I started backwards planning: I should go to Bed Bath and Beyond to get that sunscreen so that in case they don’t have it, I can go to REI instead, I should get their coffee today because I won’t be near Blue Bottle on any other day this week, I should go to the toy store here first to see what they have so that I know whether or not I need to go to the other store.

All this planning was fine, it supported me to be efficient and feel like I was in control of the situation but the reality of each of the situations remained the same: the sunblock was at Bed Bath and Beyond, but I discovered it was cheaper at REI (after I had already bought it at Bed Bath and Beyond), there weren’t good toys at my local store, but there also weren’t good toys at the other one, and the Blue Bottle Coffee thing- I ended up walking right past Blue Bottle on the day of my departure.

It was fine, apparently I needed this but in other ways it was not fine. This planning, this setting up of ‘if I do this, then I’ll do that’ created a bar against which I was constantly evaluating myself as I prepared for my trip. It ended up creating anxiety and disappointment in an otherwise completely empty Friday and Saturday. I even missed out on seeing a good friend because I had designated Friday as my ‘running errands’ day. I’m not saying it wasn’t smart to set aside a week day to get a bunch of shopping done for a trip to Aisa, but this concept that things needed to happen a certain way kept me from being open to the possibility of spending time with her. Clinging to ‘getting things done’ kept me from accepting this offer of human contact- of spending sweet time with someone whom I hadn’t seen in a long time.

Sunday night finally rolled around and I was ready. My friend showed up at 9:30 to take me to the airport and we talked for a bit. Then my room mate came home and we talked for a bit. Then I asked my friend if we could stop by the library to drop off my book, she asked if she could mail some letters, and we realized that we needed gas. My normal travel self and my zen travel self had quite the conversation as we made our way to the airport: It’s three hours before arrival for international, you should actually be there right now vs. do you really think they’re not going to let you on the plane for being 15 minutes late? It usually takes 20 minutes to get to Target, the airport is before Target so I think we’re fine vs. Looking at the clock, determining the time has absolutely no effect on when you’re going to get there- you’ll get there when you get there, the point is that you get there: relax and enjoy this car ride with your friend. And we did, after all our errands and talking, we got there at 10:03: plenty of time to spare.

I took my place in line at Cathay Pacific. A ticket agent began walking through the line, asking how many people were in each party, and whether or not they were in a rush to get to Hong Kong. I heard the words ‘same flight duration’ and ‘seven fifteen’ and thought, “Oh great, it’s over booked. I hope there’s space for my luggage in the overhead bin.” But then I thought, “It’s not the end of the world if you have to check your luggage- Erin and Andy will just have to wait a bit, but it’ll still be fine. “

Finally, it was my turn, and I approached the ticket counter, armed with my only proof that I was on this flight: the printout of the page with the link. I immediately handed it to the agent. He set it aside and asked for my passport instead. I watched as he opened my passport, and swiped its outer edge through a machine, as if it were a credit card, then placed it back on the counter. He looked at his computer screen, then picked up my passport and ran it through the machine again. This time when he looked at his screen, a look of surprise appeared on his face, then interest, then he typed a few letters in to the keyboard and leaned closer to the screen. I held my breath and watched as he picked up my passport a third time, and swiped it through the machine.

“Am I denied?” I thought. “Did they revoke my Visa? Did they change their mind and decide that a teacher was too risky to have in Myanmar?” Then I remembered how I had made an error on the date of issue of my passport when I was making a hotel reservation and I started to worry that I had done the same thing when I applied for my VISA and that this glitch, this mismatch, was the end. I expected the agent to say, “I’m sorry but the dates do not match. You’re going to have to go back to the passport office and work this out. In the meantime, it’s unlikely that you’ll make your flight.” Then I pictured him handing me back my passport and directing me toward customer service.

Instead, he folded my passport closed, placed it on the counter, then leaned back, all the while looking at his computer screen. “What is he doing?” I thought as I watched his hands reach below the counter. “Is he getting some ‘you’ve been denied’ document that I now have to fill out?” His hands reappeared with first one, then another, envelope-sized piece of thick white paper: my two boarding passes. My shoulders dropped in relief as he placed them inside my passport, handed them to me, and directed me to the boarding gate- reminding me that we would board at 12:30.

I laughed at myself as I walked happily toward my gate. That process had taken all of 3 minutes, the email printout was completely unnecessary, and I was always booked on this flight, I didn’t have to prove it or make it happen, it was just waiting there for me, all along.