The trampoline of delusion, the comfy couch of reality

I was noticing how unsettled I was when, shortly after talking to someone, I started having ideas and thoughts about them. I noticed how it kind of put me in a tizzy to think these things about this person, even though they were pleasant ideas: fantasies and idolizations and images of perfect harmony. It kind of amped me up and got me excited but in a precarious way, like being bounced on a trampoline, never being able to settle in one place.
And then, moments later, I reflected on the actual interaction I had had with the person, only 15 minutes prior, and how settled that felt- how calm, safe, and almost nurtured or tender our interaction had been. It had been a minor interaction, a simple asking of how are you and a response of how I was. But in my response, I had been real. I simply answered how I was- not how I could be that might be entertaining to this person, not how I thought they wanted me to be, not how I was that would keep our conversation going or to start a relationship between us; just an honest answer of this is how I am right now. And that, that "mundane" response to a basic question, turned out to be quite sweet, safe, and tender- like a comfy couch or armchair.

And I thought about this- about why the pleasant delusion was unsettling while the actual apparent "boring" reality was calm and settled and it occurred to me that delusions... are never finished and delusions... aren't real. Delusions are made up- they're in your head, they're floating around in this uneven bouncy landscape of whatever you decide to make up or change to suit your fancy. They're kind of all over the place, which is nice when you want to avoid unpleasant things, but at the same time, they are, literally, unsettling. Delusions aren't actually grounded in any reality or firm place- they change on your whim and desire and so they're really unsettled.
An actual interaction, however, has a beginning, a middle, an end (not a beginning, middle, end per se, but they're actual moments in time). They involve another person and kind of have to follow the rules of their reality, of your dynamic together, of who you each are. They're grounded in something, they have to follow the rules of the world we live in because they aren't made up, they're real.

And I find this really interesting. I never thought I would find comfort and security in reality and I never thought I would feel unsettled by delusions. But it's what happened, and I'm grateful for it. Because in the end, I'm finding pleasure in my actual interaction with another- and that's really nice. Because what I've wanted all along was to have an actual interaction, to have a relationship that is grounded, safe, that I could rely on to always be there. And I know that I can never have a relationship that will always be there, that will never change. But I do see now that it's the truth of the interaction- not the content or nature of our interaction- just the experiencing of it, the groundedness of actually being together, truly and honestly, that makes it calm and close and sweet.