So, I finally gave in. I admit it, I like Buddhist practice and I’m going to study it even when it’s inconvenient and obnoxious. Buddhist practice is not out to get me and it’s not going to ruin my life. Sitting zazen is helpful and reconceptualizing the universe is not as abstract as it seems. Also, the abbot of the zen center knows what he’s doing…Darn it! No more good excuses! Here’s how it happened, in four parts:
Part 1: You have to get off the pole
In class on Thursday night, I raised my hand to share my own experience with the 100 foot pole koan: that there really is no pole, so jumping off of it isn’t that bad, since I’m actually not on it anyway. Lots of people shared their experience with the hot and cold koan and I felt a little guilty for not doing the homework. But I also felt like I had had a mini crisis this week and so wasn’t ready to actually “jump off” the pole. It seemed reasonable for me to do this, considering that last week I was ready to completely abandon the practice but hadn’t. So for now, I was just staying still, like someone trying to find their bearings after a storm has completely blown them over.
As I listened to Paul continue to talk about the koans, I kept hoping he’d get to a part where he’d describe some zen practice of standing still, of letting things pass you by, of resettling after you’ve come to a realization. But he just kept talking about stepping off the pole. He talked about how to step off, the importance of stepping off, what stepping off looked and felt like in our everyday lives. Finally I raised my hand, “Is there ever a time when staying still would be the same as stepping off?”
He responded by talking about the importance of being aware and noticing and responding and that in that sense, there’s a place for stillness in practice but mostly, he just said… no- staying still is not stepping off.
Damn.
No comments:
Post a Comment