This weekend I was in Portland visiting old friends and meeting their new kids. I was noticing when I was and wasn’t being present for them, when I was just listening and when I was listening with my own agenda. I noticed, as I was making breakfast, that when I had to “get something done” (making chocolate chip scones) that I was less present for my friends. Basically, as I was cooking I was thinking, “Could you stop talking about yourself? I’m trying to bake here.”
And this made sense to me, of course I couldn’t focus on them, I was focused on getting the scones in the oven. But then I thought about what would have happened if I actually had stopped to be present for them, to listen to them. I realized that my stopping would have taken, in all honesty, a minute at best, five minutes at worst. And those scones would be cooked either way.
I actually have a choice when I feel like I need to “get things done.” I think that I often use this as an excuse or a rationale for not being present- that I’m allowed to get caught up in a task if there’s a deadline or an actual thing that needs to be made. But when I step back and look at the bigger picture, the reality of the situation, the delay that “being present” will cause is pretty small in relation to the stress, anxiety, or even just lack of presence of mind that comes as a result of letting myself get caught up in getting things done.
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