My second one day sit was pretty much as uneventful as my first one day sit, but this was a good thing. I went to it mostly "unprepared" which, as experienced by my Full Moon Ceremony, seems to be the way to go.
Oryoki: Granted, this was my third experience with oryoki, so I wasn't completely unprepared, but it was my first time with real bowls. I definitely watched the person next to me (and am SO grateful to her for her help) and I got a bunch of the sequences wrong, but guess what? The bowls are your bowls, all day, so how you clean them and the order in which you put things away/ take them out, mostly only affects you. The forms, like everything else at the zen center, will come with time and practice.
At breakfast, I was so focused on the forms, that I was late to clean up. Then, at lunch, I was so focused on not being late, that I ended up cleaning while other people were being served, and that was really rude. By dinner time, I just focused on being present for my food, the people who were serving me, and the people around me in the zendo.
Dokusan: I decided on Wednesday night, after something that Marc said in the dharma talk, that it was time for me to get a teacher. So, I signed up for dokusan at the one day sit so that I could ask Paul how one goes about getting a teacher. Between Wednesday and Saturday I did everything I could to NOT imagine dokusan with Paul, to NOT plan my questions or imagine his answers, to actually just show up for dokusan ('cause that's what I've heard you're supposed to do). I have to admit that I did go in a little bit prepared. I had read in zen beginner's blog that Paul asks about your sitting practice. I didn't go in with an answer in mind, but I did expect to be asked about it.
I showed up for dokusan, asked Paul how to get a teacher, got my answer, and then felt really kind of silly. "That's all I wanted to ask," I said, with an embarrassed smile.
He then, of course, asked me about my sitting. We talked about my posture, about my sprained ankle, about what's going on in my mind during zazen, etc. We talked about repeatedly coming back to a place of quiet instead of trying to stay in that space. We talked about how teachers help to see you from the outside, (while we tend to see ourselves from the inside). We talked about other things too and once or twice my mind started racing: He's smiling, does that mean I'm doing the right things? He's quiet, was that the wrong answer? He's looking at me, should I ask the next question or do I let him lead? Is my time up? Am I talking too long?
But mostly, I was present, not even intentionally, I was just there, and it was nice. I'm glad I didn't plan dokusan ahead of time, I think it would have been horrible. I think I would have missed a lot of it. Of course since then, I've relived dokusan over and over in my mind about 100 times... Oh well, I've never been one for letting go of pleasant things.
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