Ready or not part 4 (the self starts to feel love)

I recently had an interesting sequence of events. During morning zazen, I was thinking back on my actions toward someone and I realized that I genuinely cared for this person; that I actually thought about this person's well- being, that I was affected by their emotional state, and that I wanted to do things that would make them feel better.
And then I thought about the fact that this was news to me, that even though I did these things for people, I never would acknowledge that I was doing them, that I seemed to hide my concern and affection for others. I looked to my history with this- that in my past, showing concern or love meant showing emotion, and showing emotion seemed to make others uncomfortable. So in the same way that I had learned to suppress and hide my emotions, I had learned to hide my concern and affection for others. And then, in seeing that I was hiding this love, I began to see that this love was actually there: that I naturally love others, that I genuinely want to connect with and care for others; I've just been hiding it because I was afraid it would make people uncomfortable.

And then a funny thing happened. Later that week, I started to see joy on other people's faces when they were around me. I saw that sometimes, I make people happy. Sometimes, people feel better when they're around me. Sometimes, my concern, love, and thoughtfulness makes people feel good.

This is different from my expectations. This is different from my past experiences with showing love and affection. This is not how I remember things being. To be honest, this is still a little scary for me and I'm not completely certain that it's true or that it will continue.

But I wonder, if the reason I'm starting to see joy on other people's faces, the reason I'm finally starting to feel the love of others is because I'm accepting this aspect of myself. And maybe in accepting it, its coming closer to me, and so I'm starting to connect with it and I'm beginning to feel it.