I was at the symphony last night with my dad. When we got to the sing-along part, the woman next to me struggled to find the lyrics in her program. I leaned closer to her, placed my book in front of her, and then pointed to the page number in the corner.
Bam! I had a flashback : I was immediately transported to my first morning service in the Buddha hall when some lovely practitioner pointed to the page numbers in the chant book so that I could find the page and chant along. And I thought, "Oh, chanting at the zen center is like singing at the symphony! Well, kind of...."
So then I started listening to the lyrics of the Christmas carols and it was all about how great Christ is and how much we should appreciate the time we have together and that even though we have struggles, we'll make it through somehow and how you better be good for goodness sake (no goals, no attainment!)... Hmmmm, I thought, this sounds awfully familiar...
But then I thought about chanting at the zen center and how it's all monotone and makes you feel like a drone, like you're giving up yourself. "Darn it!" I thought as I heard myself say 'giving up your self.' "Chanting must be practice in giving up the self! All that starting and stopping together, all that moderating your tone and rhythm and timing to match the drum and those around you, that's all practice in giving up all those thoughts you have and just giving in to what's in front of you."
So then I pictured us singing the chants together at the same time. I mean, wouldn't that be giving up the self if we're doing it all at once, together? And then I thought about melody and highs and lows and tempo and adiago and lento (forgive my musical terms) and I thought, "Nope, zen center wouldn't go for that. Too much getting 'carried away' with extremes, not so much 'middle way' there..."
But then I thought about the people around me at the symphony- how we actually were total strangers, singing together. And I thought about being together and how 'giving up the self' is also about joining with others (which, is something, I have issues with. But still, giving up the self feels a little better when it means joining with others. And joining with others seems a little less daunting when I realize that it's just about removing all those boundaries I create when I cling so much to keeping my self).
And I think it changed my perception of chanting in the zendo. It's definitely not singing and it really isn't Christmas carols. But it is being with others, in the same way that sitting, staring at a wall, and not speaking with each other is being with others.
Some day, though, I totally wanna bust out in some melodic version of the Avalokiteshvara one, complete with interpretive bowing. Oooh, and the Ino is out of town....
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