On vacation, permanently.

This morning I was thinking about how relaxed I've been this weekend, how aware I've been of myself, how I've even been able to catch myself judging or "knowing" something in time to take a deep breath and just listen instead of inserting my own agenda into the conversation. It felt like instead of "working" to put my practice into place, I was just kind of "living" it.
And I thought "Well yeah, it's 'cause you're on vacation. You're not thinking about getting to school on time, planning the homework and lessons for next week, worrying about the day ahead of you." I thought how nice it would be if I could be like this all the time: relaxed, present, open to the world in front of me. And I thought about sesshin and Tassajara and wondered if that's why the zen center has those places and structures set up, to give people that place in which, free from the stresses of every day life, they can focus on their practice and begin to embody it rather than struggle to practice with it.
But then I thought again about why I was so present and relaxed: it was because I wasn't thinking about getting to school on time, I wasn't planning the homework and lessons for next week, I wasn't worrying about the day in front of me. And I thought "Oh, it's the lack of thinking, planning, and worrying that's making me feel this way, not the fact that I'm on vacation. If I want to be on vacation, I just need to stop thinking, planning, and worrying."
Now, I'm not saying that I'm suddenly going to stop thinking, planning, and worrying and I'm certainly not negating the fact that it's a whole lot easier to not think, plan, and worry when you're on vacation. But still, this is a choice. Honestly, if I really do want to be on vacation: relaxed, present, open to the world around me, I just need to stop thinking, planning, and worrying. It's not the classroom, it's not the time, it's not this world around me, it's what I do with it, how I choose to spend my time in it.